Spider-man's Weekend WITH BONUS VEHICLES AND OTHER GREAT SPIDER-MAN TOYS!!



Spider-man must have a lot of adventures. It's the sort of crutch that comic book and cartoon heroes sort of depend on. Unless he's out saving the day, its not going to be an interesting story. Right? Wrong.

Spder-man has plenty of adventures, if his toys are to be believed, that have nothing to do with fighting bad guys or being in love triangles. No clone miscariges or deals to get ride of marriages and revealing his idenity. Just really goofy toys that somehow exist.



Spider-man aparantly has a lot of underwater adventures. I don't know why. I owned one of these as a kid, and it was my only Spider-man. Spider-man in a wetsuit. I even found the one that I had, saved its picture, then lost it. I'll just say that Spider-man's wearing a wetsuit similar to this, but like most toys in the late 80s/early90s this spider-man looked awful and had four movable parts. And an inflatable thing with him!



Spider-man often goes fishing



When I saw these two, I instantly laughed. I had the thought in my head of a video game featuring comic book heroes who play sports using their powers. Not unlike Mutant League Football, except without murder. Unless The Punisher gets involved, since his power is murder. Baseball Spider-man even has that "what the shit" arm out. I'm assuming because someone fastball specialed him that ball and he missed. But maybe he realizes he's Spider-man in a baseball uniform. So he's wearing his costume under a uniform, I'm sure he smells wonderful in the summer.



Look at that musculature. At first, I said this is so believable. But then I was like, it has to be some joke custom toy someone made. If that's the case, notice the spider-man underwear. Someone made a toy with spider-man briefs? Also notice his number doesn't match. I still include this, because I find it makes me giggle the same way Cho Aniki does.



Among the more interesting aspects of Spider-man is that he's something of a bad fighter. He's just a teenager after all, at least if you read the old comics. I never understood a thirty year old Spider-man. That's such a stupid idea. He's spider-man but a school teacher. Well would a school teaching spider-man take a karate class? Enough to get his spider-belt in spider jujistsu! Or maybe Joe Bob Briggs style Spidey-Fu!



Spider-man on the left is about to hose the Spider-man on the right. Again, I thought this toy was some custom joke someone made, but no. Look closely. That's the Spider-man logo on his firesuit and hat. Spider-man can fight fires now.



The ultimate in weekend spider-man. An acapolco shirt, scooter, and jeans aren't enough. Sunglasses, what appear to be boots, and some elbow pad are necessary. For safety.



Sometimes even Spider-man goes to the beach. If you look close, his cap is backwards. Thanks beach culture.



Sometimes Spider-man likes to go snowboarding. But that's not extreme sport enough for him. Not that his scooting wasn't proof that he's serious when it comes to these alternative sports, in addition to being a basketball and baseball player. No he also goes skyboarding. I'm guessing he doesn't need a parachute, he can just shoot his web or something.



Spider-man has wings, helmet and matching boots. With goggles. The goggles do nothing of course.

BONUS! Vehicles



Spider-man at one point gets a car! A spider-mobile. His very own jeep to drive around in, that somehow he felt comfortable using. That someone thought this was a good idea. Swinging his webs wasn't the way to travel, this thing was. Driving walls and doing other nonsensical things. It recently showed up in Wolverine's solo book during the "Old Man Logan" story. So it's still around and I warn you, it's canon.

Unfortunately, nothing really exists for this that I can find. Except a fake Marvel Legends set of goofy figures



I got this toy out of a happy meal many years ago. Recently someone gave me a scorpion and venom, that are just as silly in similar vehicles.

Of course he has to have a motorcycle.



Who doesn't want to ride in a car with Spider-man that doesn't really go anywhere it just moves up and down. I know I do!



I've decided long ago that I really want the Batmobile. One of the actual original Adam West ones. If I find myself with 80,000 dollars laying around, I know I what I want. However, seeing as how the Spider-moble don't exist. I'll take this.




BONUS TOYS

I almost said junk. I wanted to find the absolute worst. Something on the level of Hulk Hands. What I found was somehow worse. Yes. This is worse.



Spider-Potato. Second cousin to the Darth Vader Potato, yes it exists.



These things just look weird to me. Like Teddy's that aren't squishy and cute, but eerie. At least to me that's the vibe I get. They look like Voodoo Dolls. That's what it is. They evoke that feeling of voodoo, which reminds me of Serpent and the Rainbow which reminds me of nails entering body parts that don't need nails in them. Thanks Wes Craven. No matter how scary Freddy was in the eighties, that other movie will haunt my dreams so much more.



I just think they're silly. And this isn't all of them either. Tons of these things are out there, but I probably don't have to tell you humble readers about that. Two packs, box sets, etc. I would buy these as unlike most collectable toys they're not too expensive. It's about ten dollars for a box set of two, which is still pricey, but if I had to pick a goofy Spider-man to have, it would probably be a Mini Mate. I would keep it/them in my Street Shark's mouths.


Transformers. Yes, I'm confused too.



I had a version of this as a kid. I had to have two, since Spider-man needs two. It cost fifteen dollars apiece, I recall because that was thirty dollars. That was about the usual video game budget for the month, but this thing looked so cool in every single way. I don't think you guys understand how much I like Spider-man. Try as I might, I can't find my particular Spider-man 90s animated series commercial. I found the pilot for the Spider-man live action show though. And I'm watching it. So I guess I won't find that commercial, but here's the new and "improved" three way blaster.

One quick story about my two blasters, the web fluid ran out within minutes of playing with it. So we had to buy more special cans of web fluid for it, which also ran out fast. Me and my cousin James had a full two or three minutes of play out of my web shooters. :( Holy crap, that's Darren (the boss, darren might be the wrong name) from Bewitched as Jay Jonah Jameson. Now that's funny. Thanks 70s spider-man. Now I have to watch all of this AGAIN. I saw VHS tapes years ago, that I gleefully watched laughing. Somehow I blocked all this out.



Remember when Spider-man had his Spider-MP5, with ACOG? Apologies for the photo cut off.



I can't go through life without owning these. These are walkie talkies, but in mask form. I have to have these hanging on the wall.



Actually now that I think about it, I want this with the REAL spidermna song. You know the one. Yes please. If I could somehow live in a world where the vocalists of these old cartoon intros were more popular with more songs and millions of dollars, I'd be so happy.



I know what you're thinking. I want to defend myself like Spider-man does, but I still want to actually fight people. Unless you're bringing this to a gun fight, I expect nothing less than victory. And obviously this a toy, it's a knife. When isn't a knife classified as a toy?











For when Spider-man goes fishing.




And finally, a sneak at my next blog update "Busts are busts."